


Megamind Mixups

by Kennaye



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Funny
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-10
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-22 06:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3718018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kennaye/pseuds/Kennaye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A small series of short stories playing off the fact that some things weren't handled as well as they could have been in the Megamind movie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The Warden was playing with a small airplane model when one his guards, Frank, came in. Setting it down and ceasing his series of " _shzoom shzoom_ " noises, he cleared his throat and clasped his hands. He nodded at the guard, who started to speak. "Sir, we seem to have had a baby land in our prison."

"What do you mean a baby landed in a prison?" The Warden didn't know what to make of this. His mind was normally elsewhere - being the Warden was mostly a paperwork job. Since he was the Warden, he had his secretary Melissa do it for him. If he signed any of the papers himself now, they'd appear to be the forgeries. Being the Warden was pretty cool like that.

"Well sir, a capsule from the sky landed in the prison yard. The inmates have him right now. We think we should probably go get it, but its head is huge and the entire baby is blue."

"A blue sky baby?" The Warden clasped his hands together and looked down. "Troubling times face us here...."

"Sir, please advise us on what to do."

"Well," the Warden leaned back in his chair, "in my experience, I've never had much luck with sky people. I'd always wanted to be a sky baby myself, I love the air. Loved a pilot once - she broke my heart. So lemme tell ya' this; this sky baby - nothin' but trouble. Don't trust it as far as I can throw it. I can throw babies pretty far. I've done it many time, because I'm a warden you see."

"U-uh sir."

"Not to mention blue. It's a popular primary color, but I always liked red. Now red and blue make purple, which is like 50% okay but I've always been a black man." The Warden paused. "Not to sound racist of course, I'm just a fan of the traditional suit. How bright is this blue?"

"Like a sky blue, sir."

"Yes...." The Warden furrowed his brow. "Not good at all I'm afraid. Leave it, let the inmates eat it or whatever."

"Sir, I don't think this is legal."

"I am a Warden." said the Warden, which is pretty obvious actually. "I am above the law. I am the law."

"That's...that's not how-" The guard stopped talking as the Warden stood up and got in his face. 

"I am the law!" He shouted. "I was made a warden for a reason!"

"Well yes, Warden Reagan died in a prison riot-"

"Hush your buns!" The Warden collapsed in his chair, exhausted. "The kid stays. Maybe he'll be let out on good behavior one day."

"O-okay sir." the guard left on that note, and the Warden relaxed once more. Being the Warden was pretty cool.


	2. The Talk

It was a beautiful evening out. The now cleaned streets of Metrocity(said like atrocity) were a nice sight on the eyes. Even nicer was Roxanne Ritchi, who was sitting next to me on the couch in her living room. Roxanne was wonderful, beautiful, smart. And I was...well I was Bernard right now but I'm sure she'd describe me with those words too. Well, Bernard me, not me me. Being me was kind of complex like that, but I'm a complex guy. I rolled with the punches of life, and it had punched me a lot. It had vigorously assaulted me actually.

"Bernard, you're wonderful." Roxanne slurred a little bit as she spoke. We had been drinking whine, and so far it wasn't making me feel really complain-y. I was actually just a little fuzzy in my head, so I kept just pouring it into her fern plant. They have more chromosomes then people, so it's probably handling it better then I could anyway. Roxanne was on her third or fourth glass, and she was starting to really to weird me out. And not in a "disguising yourself as someone else to have a relationship" type of way, this way was...was...weird. 

"I'm Bernard, yes." I laughed to show confidence in my lie. It's only half a lie, because I am Bernard. I look exactly like him, it's like I wear his skin like clothing. Except not as macabre. In fact, that would probably be even more off putting when thought upon Roxanne finding out. The very thought inspires quite a fear within me.

"Yesssss, you are." She giggled and her head rolled. She kissed my neck, and I felt myself blush. I was happy to be wearing Bernard at this moment, because normally when I blushed my face turned an embarrassing shade of royal purple. Many a night was dedicated to blushing practice, which was actually dedicated to not blushing, despite the name. Had to look pretty while fighting Metroman, you'd understand.

I licked her forehead, a sign of affection shown by the Earth dog species that many women adored. Roxanne laughed, and I knew I had succeeded in "the flirting". I had been doing it mostly on accident up until this point, so I was working really hard on making it more on purpose.

"Pssst, hey guess what." Roxanne whispered in my ear. My heart started beating quicker than normal, and my left foot started trembling. I did not know why, damn these implicit responses!

"I don't know why you're whispering, we're the only one's in your apartment." I replied. Roxanne laughed again and smiled, giving me a weird look even on my scale of weird.

"We've been...together for a _really_ long time." she slurred, rubbing my leg. I didn't know why she was rubbing it, my leg cramps from my aerobic exercises had faded a good two hours before I had left for our date.

"Oh no, did I forget about some sort of anniversary?" I stared off in horror. If I had learned anything from Earth television, it was that forgetting an anniversary of anything was basically like comitting a shame against one's entire family, in front of your wife on Christmas which was also her and her grandmother's shared birthday. The ultimate wrongdoing. It wasn't even evil, so it was inexcusable, just shameful. I was above such things, though I swore I had set dates on the calender.

"Pfahahaha!" Roxanne full out laughed this time, which caught me off guard from one of her cute giggles. "No, silly!" She playfully attempted to slap my face, but just kind of balanced herself with my shoulder. "What I'm saying is we should...you know...."

"Oooooh!" I nodded my head. I understood. I stood up and went for the door.

"Where are you going?" She stood up to follow, but stumbled slightly and fell to her knees. She used some unsavory language, cuss words not being evil but I felt like I was simply above repeating them.

"Well, aren't we concluding our date?" I didn't exactly know how to take the social cues but I had assumed she was wanting to end the affair. It was fine, I'd had a very productive evening and wanted to get home so I may write about it in my journal...of evil!

"Hahahaha, oh Bernard and your sense of humor." Roxanne's head drooped as she sat on the ground. I went to help her up, but she jumped up immediately and went to kiss me. I dodged to the left and she fell forward. Whoops. Going over to her I found her unconscious, but fine.

"Humans are weird." I muttered to myself as I let myself out of the apartment. What was even her issue?


End file.
